college boys 1

Boys are crazy. Well, maybe not necessarily psychologically, but I guess some drive me crazy. Sometimes I find it hard to understand where they are coming from, for the male perspective is often very different from their female counterparts.

In college, I find that men usually, for the most part, have a competitive, testosterone driven way about their interactions with females. The girls in college are often objectified and seen as something that is "fuckable." This sad truth occurs on a daily basis in the college lifestyle. Sex isn't something that is something special, a representation of the emotional togetherness, a hope for the existence of love, a beautiful concept of two becoming one. Sex is a recreational activity, a free for all, and just a behavior that satiates the needs of two or, at sometimes, more.

I mean sure, "fuck buddies" and the idea uninvested relationships are easier and more convenient for the lifestyle of the average college kid, but I believe that everyone wants to feel loved and appreciated. If I were to let someone see the hidden realms of my life, I hope that person is special enough to respect me and care for me a lot, and by a lot, I really do mean a lot. 

I love the feeling that someone appreciates me and that I mean something to them. I'm not opposed to the idea of "fuck buddies," but I'd rather be intimate with someone that I care about and vise versa. Or else, what are we different from animals? We have the capability of being compassionate and caring for others more so than ourselves and our own needs. We have the power to love, and to put others before us. Something that I learned recently is that love is base on putting another person's needs before yours and committing to that person. Lust is based on your own selfishness, your own desires and fantasies, so when you see the next best thing, you quickly move on.

Yeah, it's not my position to judge or make remarks on a lifestyle some people may live by, but I just can't help but to wonder if everyone desires to be loved. I mean who doesn't want to be loved? People can fear love, but that doesn't mean you don't want to be loved. I'm not sure. I'm just going to leave on that note. Peace!

memorial day weekend

Tyler, the Creator | Between Friends by Flying Lotus/Captain Murphy & Earl Sweatshirt | PHAMBROS in the web | Noah, my fave. | Tokimonsta

This Memorial Day weekend was filled with spontaneous adventures, strange amusements, and glorious sounds.

Friday night was quite interesting, filled with annoying/confusing texts from an ex, hard core dancing with suite-mates, and constantly watching humorous Odd Future videos. The night was topped off with a huge sleepover in the living room, where my friend was able to cuddle with the guy she was interested. I made it happen. I'm the best wingman ever.

Saturday night was the interesting night. My suite was having a kickback and there were people of all sorts of levels having a good time. Each room seemed to have a different environment: there was the drunk dancing room blasting with EDM, the stoner room (my room) where people were listening to chill music and passing the fuck out my bed and my roomate's, the emotional drunk room where my friend was crying in, then the kinda sober/conversational room where I frequented. My friend Remy from Santa Cruz came to visit, and he ended up knocking out in my bed, after we listened to dope beats by Teebs, Tyler, the Creator, and Flying Lotus. Specifically: 

Just the Yellow Bits by Teebs

Cook, Clean, Pay the Rent by Teebs

Hey You by Tyler, the Creator (produced by Toro Y Moi)

Between Friends by Flying Lotus

   

Sunday was cool. I had breakfast with the homies that came to visit my school with Remy. Then we hung out and chilled and hung out some more. We played at the playground/park by where I live. Before they were about to leave to go to the hotel they had checked out, Noah gave me this piece of a bang bar that him and Remy had bought at a clinic the day before. I had a bite of it and in an hour, I was high as shit. I don't remember Sunday night much. 

Monday, I attempted to finish a paper that is due on Tuesday, but the entire day I was distracted by the good music that exist in the world. I just can't stop discovering songs and learning about artists. I just downloaded all these songs by Tokimonsta. Also, I created a new bucket list, and I found that it was drastically different from the one that I had written down just a month ago. I guess within a month, my mindset had gone through a great change in perspective. Stay tuned, a post of my current bucket list is coming up, and I might do a comparison to my previous bucket list. 

my sleeping problem

I have pretty bad insomnia and I tend to fall asleep around 4 a.m. everyday. I know this is very unhealthy, and it definitely makes a negative impact in my life. I usually end up missing my morning classes because I go into a very very deep sleep, where I can't here the twenty alarms that I've set up. I've missed a flight because of this and even a midterm in the first quarter of college.

I tend to think that I can correct my sleeping habits by pulling all-nighters and going to bed the following night. It usually doesn't work. I end up having things to do and I find myself up until 2 or 3, and by that time, I just don't get sleepy. I've tried sleeping pills, but they make me so drowsy that I have even a harder time waking up. So tonight, I'm going to try to go to bed by 1 a.m., and hopefully I'll fall fast asleep. Last night I didn't sleep at all, and for the strangest reason, I wasn't sleepy at all.  Today, I guess I'm super tired, so I'll be snuggling up in bed in a minute. I hope this works out. Good night.

growth. happiness. appreciation.

I only have 3 weeks of school left and I just can't believe it. I guess the saying is correct. Time does fly when you're having fun. My freshman year of college has been absolutely amazing. I've met so many wonderful people, learned so much about myself, and grown indefinitely.

I find that the dreams and aspirations I once had seem trivial and unimportant. I now have even bigger dreams, and success isn't the ultimate goal anymore. I've had many blues this year, but lets just say 85 percent of the time, I've been happy. Yay. This is much more happiness than when I was back at home, living under the tyranny of my father, which was no fun. It was actually pretty shitty, but this year, my father has opened up a lot to me, making me understand his mentality and his reasoning more. I guess I appreciate how strict he was with me because that has shaped me into the person I am today.  

So now that 9 month school is rapidly coming to an end, I'm feeling pretty damn bittersweet. Yes, I'm looking forward to summer fun, but I can't help but to feel sad about leaving the dorm life. I will no longer have the accessibility of friends just a few doors away or be able to get people together to eat dinner at the dining commons. I actually have to cook my own meals, clean my own bathroom, pay rent, and I guess, just grow up. It's scary and sad, yet a part of me is excited to become more mature of an individual.